It has been a long time since I’ve written anything here.
Reviewing my old post its clear that starting this blog I had no clear idea what I wanted to write or how to write it. I still don’t. But at least now looking at it with a bit more perspective I have a better idea why I started writing and why I couldn’t make it work.
I started this blog at what was a really high time in my personal life and a low time in my professional life.The earth shatteringly good pleasures of being a father were conflicting with a a dull ache that was my a professional life.
The company I work for had been through some tough times and many people who had survived were feeling bruised. Peole were still enthusiastic for what they did but trying to adapt to a less certain future with different opportunities.
Through all this I was ‘surviving’ but it didn’t feel right. I didn’t have the same luxury of being able to read, study, and use my spare time to find ways forward. Work and ‘free’ time had to be compartmentalised in a way I’d never had to face before. It was the only way to find the space and time my family deserved.
Looking back, the blog was mean to be almost my ‘notes to self’. Tracking the good things in the 7 minute gaps I had. My way of making public commitments to things to try and goad myself into action.
It never really worked because it was too nervous. I was too half-hearted, too focused on doing something clean shiny and professional for a mythical audience to write what I was really feeling.
So I’m going to try again keeping it as simple and genuine as possible.